Well today women all over the world will be proposing to their men as is the leap year tradition. Not me, I don’t intend on getting married again! Well, unless Mr Perfect happens to walk into my life with the biggest sex drive possible so he could match me! One of my nurses from yesterday is planning on popping the question to her anaesthetist boyfriend, who happened to be my gorgeous anaesthetist!
Yesterday I had the operation to take the cage off of my leg. It was a very bizarre day filled with dumb nurses with bulbous noses, and especially good looking surgeons and anaesthetists! I managed to wake myself up at six in the morning so that I could have a slice of toast (wasn’t allowed to eat after 7am) which I am glad I did as by the time of the operation I was ravenous!
I packed an overnight bag, just in case I had to stay in. I have a problem with my blood, whereas it doesn’t like to clot very well, so I was partially expecting to have to stay in overnight. Mum drove me up to Bristol hospital where we arrived ahead of my appointment time. We were told to go and wait in a large reception area where we were greeted by 20 people, both patients and relatives. Some were even sat in hospital gowns which made me feel very nervous, I know they say you leave your dignity at the door, but seriously like that?!
Thankfully I did not have to wait around in a gown in the reception area. I was finally called into a little room after waiting about half an hour and had a little nurse run through all the pre-op assessment again. I struggled to look at her in the eye as my eyes kept getting drawn down to her… No not bosom but her nose! She had a bright red very bulbous nose which look like a clowns nose had been stuck to her face! I kept glimpsing over at mum who was also struggling not to release a chuckle.
The nurse began the pre-op interview and ran through all the usual questions, “You allergic to anything?”
“Yes, oranges” I replied.
“Oh, I’ve not heard of that one before, what happens when you eat an orange then?” She asked me as if she didn’t believe me.
“I vomit” I replied bluntly. I was not impressed with her “nursing skills”
“Oh dear, that doesn’t sound very nice!” She said. I looked over to mum who was sat beside me looking just as gob smacked as I felt.
I could barely hear what the nurse was saying but she ended up rushing off out of the room to get something. She had mumbled something before leaving us, but neither mum nor I had heard her. She soon returned armed with a thermometer which she promptly thrust into my ear.
“You have a temperature” She said looking amused almost.
“Oh really. I feel fine” I said, waiting for her to ask me if I had recently had a cold, which I had and still had the tail end of it. But the question never came. Nor did she ask if I was asthmatic! When she asked me to step onto the scales I noticed that the needle wasn’t on zero which I pointed out to her. She didn’t seem concerned in the slightest and told me just to get on it!
Following my assessment I was sent back into the waiting area where we remained for another half hour before having a different nurse come and call for me. This one looked like a butch lesbian, really broad shouldered, short hair and a square jaw line. She certainly wasn’t a girly girl! She took me through to the ward area and showed me to a bed. It was a cubicle on the end, tucked away quite nicely with a comfy looking armchair and foot stool all ready for me. She informed me that I should make myself comfortable and she would be back over in a short while to get me settled in. And with that she was gone.
We didn’t know what to expect, there wasn’t a gown in the cubicle so I couldn’t get myself ready and I had previously been told I was last on the list, so me and mum sat in my cubicle preparing for a long wait. About 5 minutes later a hunky man wearing scrubs marched past my cubicle peering in as he went, he then turned and came back stopping by my curtain door.
“Kelly Guyer?” He questioned. He had the most beautiful clear hazelnut eyes that you could look into forever.
“Yep, that’s me” I said, I could feel myself starting to turn crimson.
It turned out he was my anaesthetist (a very good looking one at that!) and just had to run through a few things with me. I told him about having had a cold but he said that it should be fine. I noticed as he sat on the bed talking to me that he kept swinging his feet and flicking his plastic hospital shoes on and off which mum and I had a chuckle about after.
A short while after another Doctor peered around the curtain and made his way into chat. He introduced himself as my registrar which was news to me as I had previously seen a different registrar. The one I used to see, Dr Thomas, was drop dead gorgeous and had a very sweet, almost innocent look to him. He always used to come and visit me up on the ward when his shift finished, just to keep me company as he knew my family were 2 hours away. I was tempted to ask him today if he wanted to meet up outside of the hospital after my operation, but obviously that wasn’t to be.
Today’s registrar was also very hot, however in a different way to Dr Thomas. This one had a dirty sex appeal about him and smelt fantastic. So much for Doctors not being allowed to wear cologne! I could just imagine kissing his neck passionately and him bending me over the bed, taking me roughly from behind and the anaesthetist walking in taking the surgeon‘s place. I felt wet just with him talking me through the operation! This was typical, I was in hospital for major surgery and I end up fantasizing about both the surgeon and the anaesthetist! I think I have a problem!!!
After I got myself all flustered thinking about sex and hot Doctor’s, a couple of nurse’s wheeled me down the corridor and into an icy operating theatre. I had three people stood around me and a group of surgeons including the hot one sat down by the computer in the corner of the room. There was a female anaesthetist and an elderly female nurse stood either side of my head and the hot male anaesthetist rushing all round. The nurse stood there chatting to distract me from the others rushing around me, while the female anaesthetist attached all of the monitoring equipment to me until I felt as if I should be plugged into the mains. The male anaesthetist rapidly went down in my books as he put the needle roughly into the back of my hand. As it was cold, I felt the pain much more, it took him a couple of attempts before he finally got into the vein and flushed a small syringe through. As he did this the nurse stood next to me saw me clasp the blanket and she clutched onto my hand offering me support and encouragement.
At first I thought it was saline (water) that he flushed through the line, however my hearing went all fuzzy like when you are about to faint, so I began thinking perhaps it was the anaesthetic? But no, it couldn’t have been, I was still wide awake and I have never been able to fight off anaesthetic.
“Has he given me something?” I mumbled to the female anaesthetist.
“Yes, it’s just to help you relax love, I’m just about to give you something else to help you relax a bit more, it will make you feel like you have been out on the town!” She replied, happy to explain everything going on around me.
“I already feel pissed, do you have to?!” I questioned, not enjoying the dizzying feeling. It reminded me of when I used to shoot up as an addict, years ago, something I never wanted to have to relive, yet here I was doing it in a legal manner. And yes, I still hated the feeling.
“Just about to put an oxygen mask on you, so you get a good lung full of it as we put you under. You might feel a bit of a sting as the anaesthetic goes into the line in….” The anaesthetists voice grew fainter until I could no longer hear her and I was out like a light!
I came to in a bright white room with only 3 beds. I was the only person in the room as well as two nurses looking after me. I woke to find myself holding onto a plastic cup of water and automatically lifting it up to my mouth to take a sip. I had a saline drip running into my hand, great, I thought, what the hell has happened?!
I looked around, I already had my glasses on, that’s weird, they normally make you ask for your glasses in recovery.
“Did I ask for a drink?” I asked the brunette nurse feeling very confused.
“Yes you did sweet heart, you were asking about equipment too a little while ago, not sure what it was exactly though!” She then went onto explain about the saline, “you were ever so pale when you came out and your blood pressure dropped very low, gave us a bit of a scare at one point, but we have pushed some fluids through you and it is picking up now. You have more colour in you cheeks too.”
“Great, thanks, just don’t tell my mum about the little scare, she’ll only worry and she doesn’t need that. Can you sit me up a bit please?” I hated being flat on my back like that with nothing nice to look at above. She raised the back of the bed up at an angle so I was more propped up and we all sat chatting about ER and horses for some reason. Then we moved on to discuss the brunette nurses love life… It was going to be a leap year tomorrow and she was doing the time honoured tradition of proposing to her boyfriend, none other than the gorgeous anaesthetist!
A short while later after I had been chatting away they wheeled me back through to the main day unit where the chief nurse greeted me with an offer of biscuits, obviously I opted for the Jammie Dodgers, or rather the hospitals cheaper version and munched happily, they fetched me another cup of water and told me that my mum had phoned up while I was still in recovery. The nurse went out into the waiting room and found mum sat there and brought her through.
We all sat in my cubicle until 5pm when I was allowed to go home to rest. The nurse told us we were lucky I was being operated on on the Thursday as it was that night (last night) that the hospital was being closed to admissions and any emergency cases would be “stored” in the day unit ward! This was all down to the latest super bug… Norovirus. I was just glad that it was in the other hospital building. Just after the nurse told us this, we packed up my things and hobbled back up to the car. This was after arguing with the nurse that I was partially weight bearing and needed my crutches. The surgeon wrote on my notes FWB (fully weight bearing) when he had told us that I would be partial weight bearing! Crazy people!
Anyway, after a lengthy post, I am now back home and having to lie very still due to a very bloody leg. I was told the operation went well, but they all forgot it takes me a long time to stop bleeding! All will be well.
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