Well, this has been an interesting week indeed.
A few weeks back we both decided that we wanted to buy a house and start family ASAP... the day after those talks, he changed his mind completely and ruled out having kids all together and became seriously depressed. As you can imagine, this devestated me and ever since I have been stuck in a really horrible place debating whether it is just a phase and he will come back or if I a wasting my time with an incredible man who simply doesn't want to pro-create.
Talk came back to that subject last weekend and he wrote me a letter stating that if he has the choice of keeping me and havin a child together or losing me completely, he would pick the first option. Great! I can now have a child with someone who doesn't 100% want one. That has now put me into an even more difficult place! I honestly don't know what I want, I know that I definately want a baby, which I will of course wait until the time is right... but is this the right to bring a life into the world with?
As always, talking about the future brought on a deppressive episode for him the following day which had been steadily getting worse over the week. Wednesday night I thought was his real low point... it wasn't. Thursday morning we woke up for his early alarm and he said he wasn't going into work and he would phone in and say he had been sick in the night. No matter how much I protested, I couldn't change his mind.
I also called my work and said I needed to be there for Tony. Thankfully they are really understanding and I still have some annual leave left! He slept/laid there moping until 11am when I was finally able to coax him out of bed. I thought that was huge progress and perhaps it wouldn't be as bad as I was expecting... I was wrong. He had a shower and went straight back to bed :-(
Around lunchtime I was able to get him up and we went for a really long walk which seemed to help massivly and that night, he was well enough to go to his delivery job. I talked him into it as it was only going to be an easy shift for a couple of hours, how wrong was I?! He didn't return home until midnight as they were short staffed! Doh!
Again I had to do a whole lot of reassuring about going to work the next morning which seemed to have worked. What a relief. He is now on the mend preparing for the next time...
I spoke to his Doctor yesterday who Tony had told me was referring him for cognitive behavioural therapy... She's not. She said to me there are no talking therapies that will help someone who is bipolar and CBT is not proven to work for a bipolar sufferer. That is very different to all of my research and even what my carers assessor has told me! She says medication is the only way to help control it. I now have to break to him the news that he is not going to get the CBT lifeline we thought would fix everything.
And just to complicate matters... A chap at work is flirting, heavily... He is very nice, good fun and a great distraction, but there is a line he and I must not cross. I can only imagine what that would do to someone as fragile as Tony.
Saturday, 17 July 2010
Thursday, 1 July 2010
The downside to posting few and far between is that I need to update you with alot of things that have been happening!
Tony suffers from Bipolar and is now on medication. He never took anything for it when we first met but that has had to change what with his episodes becoming more frequent and severe. The turning point was when he told me he hadn't been to work, despite pretending he had. In reality, he spent the day sat in the woods by himself planning his suicide. When something like that happens, you know things have to change. Since taking the tablets, the episodes have slowed and the tablets seem to soften the blow as it were. The main side effects of the medication is he is very sleepy and sleep talks regularly! Now that I have become more used to the sleep talking, his dosage has been doubled; This has led to further side effects of sleep walking! That I cannot get used to!
Last night he sat bolt upright and would not lie back down for love nor money. "Have you had your tablet?" I softly asked. "No." He then proceeded to take his tablet whilst being mostly asleep and barely remembered it this morning. Fingers crossed that never happens again and the sleep talking and walking eases off! It terrifies me to think that he may be able to get up in the night and wander outside.
Tony suffers from Bipolar and is now on medication. He never took anything for it when we first met but that has had to change what with his episodes becoming more frequent and severe. The turning point was when he told me he hadn't been to work, despite pretending he had. In reality, he spent the day sat in the woods by himself planning his suicide. When something like that happens, you know things have to change. Since taking the tablets, the episodes have slowed and the tablets seem to soften the blow as it were. The main side effects of the medication is he is very sleepy and sleep talks regularly! Now that I have become more used to the sleep talking, his dosage has been doubled; This has led to further side effects of sleep walking! That I cannot get used to!
Last night he sat bolt upright and would not lie back down for love nor money. "Have you had your tablet?" I softly asked. "No." He then proceeded to take his tablet whilst being mostly asleep and barely remembered it this morning. Fingers crossed that never happens again and the sleep talking and walking eases off! It terrifies me to think that he may be able to get up in the night and wander outside.
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
The Joys of Boys
Things have changed... Alot.
I have moved in with Tony and we have been doing up the house together since February. Very tiring but so satisfying seeing it all come together. To help with the bills we have to have a lodger... Boooo! We had a girl for all of 2 months who was so lazy and unhealthy it was unreal! When she first moved in, her boyfriend was helping her get her bags into the house. After it was all done, we all sat down and got to know eachother better and we soon found out they met online only 2 weeks before she moved in with us. Something I have missed is that she wanted to move in sooner than we would let her, so she moved in temporarily with her new chap. Quick? Very.
She was a strange girl. She practically lived in her room and would only sit downstairs when Tony was working. She never once cooked a meal and lived on ready meals and junk food. She often complained of not being able to sleep, however never once thought about the amount of Red Bull and fizzy, high caffeine drinks she had prior to going to bed. Daft girl, oh well, moan over... about that anyway! Four weeks after moving in, she sat downstairs with me whilst Tony was at work and said she had good news and bad news. I could tell already what she was going to say.
"Chris has asked me to move in with him" She only knew the guy for 6 weeks!!!
Anyway, we got through it and we now have the Bulgarian living here. I hasten to add he is a man! I didn't really want a male lodger living for us. I don't mind, but it's just when Tom is at work in the evenings I don't feel as comfortable as I could/should. Every so often I like to have a long hot bath and relax in the lounge in nothing but my dressing gown... However with a stranger man in the house, no.
The Bulgarian is turning out to be a very good housemate though, he washes up and has even asked if I can create a cleaning rota! He is the complete opposite of the girl. His only downside has come out tonight... he likes football. Tony was very pleased with this revelation and yes they are currently sat glued to the TV watching the match.
I am no longer a football widow but a football prisoner...
I have moved in with Tony and we have been doing up the house together since February. Very tiring but so satisfying seeing it all come together. To help with the bills we have to have a lodger... Boooo! We had a girl for all of 2 months who was so lazy and unhealthy it was unreal! When she first moved in, her boyfriend was helping her get her bags into the house. After it was all done, we all sat down and got to know eachother better and we soon found out they met online only 2 weeks before she moved in with us. Something I have missed is that she wanted to move in sooner than we would let her, so she moved in temporarily with her new chap. Quick? Very.
She was a strange girl. She practically lived in her room and would only sit downstairs when Tony was working. She never once cooked a meal and lived on ready meals and junk food. She often complained of not being able to sleep, however never once thought about the amount of Red Bull and fizzy, high caffeine drinks she had prior to going to bed. Daft girl, oh well, moan over... about that anyway! Four weeks after moving in, she sat downstairs with me whilst Tony was at work and said she had good news and bad news. I could tell already what she was going to say.
"Chris has asked me to move in with him" She only knew the guy for 6 weeks!!!
Anyway, we got through it and we now have the Bulgarian living here. I hasten to add he is a man! I didn't really want a male lodger living for us. I don't mind, but it's just when Tom is at work in the evenings I don't feel as comfortable as I could/should. Every so often I like to have a long hot bath and relax in the lounge in nothing but my dressing gown... However with a stranger man in the house, no.
The Bulgarian is turning out to be a very good housemate though, he washes up and has even asked if I can create a cleaning rota! He is the complete opposite of the girl. His only downside has come out tonight... he likes football. Tony was very pleased with this revelation and yes they are currently sat glued to the TV watching the match.
I am no longer a football widow but a football prisoner...
Saturday, 2 January 2010
2010 - Time for Change
Happy new year one and all!
We had a quiet yet eventful festive period. We spent Christmas with Tony's family again, just like last year, which was all nice despite the usual sibling rivallry over a game of Yatzee. Honestly, they need their heads banging together!
Just before Christmas, it was decided that I would be moving into Tony's house. For this to happen, one of his current housemates would be evicted. This being the troublesome housemate who is a complete pain in the backside! He almost always has his friends over, which is ok for some of the time, except the fact they often stay the night in the lounge and are still there in the morning even though the housemate has gone out to work! Cheeky sod! He has had several warnings before about smoking in the house (another major fault of his). To my great surprise, when Tony told said housemate things weren't working out and that his mum wanted him to move out, he appeared shocked! Even now, 3 weeks later, he is still shocked!!! What a dimwit!
Anywho, he has until the 31st of January to move out and I have until the 23rd February to air the room out and move in. I nipped into his room on New Years Eve (I knew he was out for the night) as I hadn't actually looked at the room before deciding I would move in. I opened the door and immediatly walked back out. It stank of cigarettes. I have never smelt anything so bad! I hang around with smokers and their houses don't smell that bad!
So that was the big event.
My main Christmas present from Tony was a beautiful white gold locket with a diamond on the front. When he gave me the present alot went through my over imaginative mind. I took the paper off to reveal an Ernest Jones bag (other jewellers are available!), I gulped but thought "it's a big bag, it's fine", I then opened the bag to find a small box. Gulp. I slid the sleeve off of the box to reveal a smaller box. GULP. I suddenly found myself thinking "Oh my God, is he proposing? Am I ready for this (again)? How can I say no in front of his entire family?!" I then opened the box to find the locket and alot of relief! Maybe next year and I will be ready!
On New Years Eve, we just stayed in with some movies and a bottle of champagne and made the night our own. It was nice, just a shame we were in Tony's grubby house. That will change when I move in!
Things to be done in 2010:
We had a quiet yet eventful festive period. We spent Christmas with Tony's family again, just like last year, which was all nice despite the usual sibling rivallry over a game of Yatzee. Honestly, they need their heads banging together!
Just before Christmas, it was decided that I would be moving into Tony's house. For this to happen, one of his current housemates would be evicted. This being the troublesome housemate who is a complete pain in the backside! He almost always has his friends over, which is ok for some of the time, except the fact they often stay the night in the lounge and are still there in the morning even though the housemate has gone out to work! Cheeky sod! He has had several warnings before about smoking in the house (another major fault of his). To my great surprise, when Tony told said housemate things weren't working out and that his mum wanted him to move out, he appeared shocked! Even now, 3 weeks later, he is still shocked!!! What a dimwit!
Anywho, he has until the 31st of January to move out and I have until the 23rd February to air the room out and move in. I nipped into his room on New Years Eve (I knew he was out for the night) as I hadn't actually looked at the room before deciding I would move in. I opened the door and immediatly walked back out. It stank of cigarettes. I have never smelt anything so bad! I hang around with smokers and their houses don't smell that bad!
So that was the big event.
My main Christmas present from Tony was a beautiful white gold locket with a diamond on the front. When he gave me the present alot went through my over imaginative mind. I took the paper off to reveal an Ernest Jones bag (other jewellers are available!), I gulped but thought "it's a big bag, it's fine", I then opened the bag to find a small box. Gulp. I slid the sleeve off of the box to reveal a smaller box. GULP. I suddenly found myself thinking "Oh my God, is he proposing? Am I ready for this (again)? How can I say no in front of his entire family?!" I then opened the box to find the locket and alot of relief! Maybe next year and I will be ready!
On New Years Eve, we just stayed in with some movies and a bottle of champagne and made the night our own. It was nice, just a shame we were in Tony's grubby house. That will change when I move in!
Things to be done in 2010:
- Move into Tony's house
- Redecorate (touch up) our house :-)
- Go to Malaysia to see one of my best friends who I haven't seen for 7 years
- Go indoor skydiving
And one more thing... I have recentely taken up knitting, I am an old 23 year old, what can I say. I had been making a scarf, start simple I thought. I then got bored of making said scarf and was rapidly running out of wool so decided to turn it into a knitting bag (I really do feel old). As I was sowing it up I realized it would make a great hat, yeah, I 'm not really a hat person. I continued transforming it into a bag and I have finally finished making something for a change! I can't remember the last time I finished making something! I feel so proud!
Have a good 2010 all.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
