Decisions...

Things have taken rather a dramatic turn...
Drew (an ex) sent me a message on my birthday and sparked a few memories (nice ones). When he left me, 2 years ago, there was no explanation and he vanished off the face of the earth! I was so close to saying those 3 words to him before he left and had to force myself not to say it.
Several messages went back and forwards aand continue to do so now. Unfortunately... I love Tony, we are planning on moving in with eachother in April time, however I have now sparked all these feelings I had kept buried all this time for Drew.
The other night I decided to see Drew and tell him straight... I love Tony and nothing was going to change that and pretty much draw the line there and then. The evening started badly... I sent a text to what I thought was Drew saying "Looks like he is working, are you ready?" Just as I hit send I realised it was going to Tony. Bugger. I managed to talk my way out of it but felt terrible for lying to him. When I arrived at Drew's house, all I could say was "I am such a horrible nasty person!" I just sat there feling guilty for the rest of the night and for some reason, I have agreed to go to the local beach with him tonight. I honestly don't know what I want now, things with Tony are getting tense and I am just wondering if that is because of me.
Only time will tell and noone knows what the future will hold. One thing I do know, I will not cheat.

Honey, I'm home!

So then, due to being up all hours with my tummy bug I have cracked the writers block and have returned to the wonderful world of Blogdom!

There is a great deal to catch up on which I shall be doing gradually. For instance, Tony had a mental breakdown in January, quit his job, started a record label which ended before it even began, left me in February (for a week) and since then has been back to normal and better than ever!

We have been traveling here, there and everywhere! Well, Switzerland on a road trip for a weekend, Barcelona, Milan (beautiful!) and Chester to name but a few. Our adventures have cost us a fair few pennies and have left us being VERY careful now! The next trip will be to Copenhagen, but when is a whole other matter.

Oh and I have moved house... again. On the housing front, I usually get itchy feet after a year in a house and want to move again. Tony and I discussed our current living situation the other night. We both live in shared houses, separately. I hate sharing a house with strangers and he is rapidly going the same way. I now refuse to stay at his due to it being so filthy and grotesque. We have decided that in April next year, we shall start looking for a flat together! Hoorah!

I went to the Doctors today to find out what is going on with my stomach as I now know that it is not a pregnancy. I told him the symptoms and he poked my belly... "Oo", its never good when a Doctor says "oo"! He then went on to say that I had gotten there just in time, again, not a great thing to say! He has told me that I have acid reflux (the stomach acid keeps going up the food pipe) and has been eating away at the pipes. He has given me some capsules the size of a house and then took several blood tests. I shall find out next week if I have any of the following ailments (and more!): liver damage/tumor, coeliac, wheat and lactose intolerance, diabetes and many more. I then went to Tescos and got a few simple items and realized that if I am coeliac or even lactose intolerant, I would not be able to have anything that was in my basket. Fun times ahead...

Accidents... No thank you!

I have found myself to be getting obsessed (and slightly paranoid) by the idea of “accidently” becoming pregnant. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I would never, ever dream of missing a pill on purpose or tricking my boyfriend into thinking I was on the pill when I wasn’t. I am an honest and upfront girl, if I decide that I want to have a baby, I would tell him straight. But that ain’t happening for a few years yet! I just love the idea of being pregnant.

On bank holiday Monday night I awoke in the small hours with the urge to be sick, I could feel it in my chest and believe me, it did not feel great. But a little part of me wondered “what if I am?”

The following day I was still feeling pretty grotty and called the office to make them aware that I wouldn’t be in (on the busiest day of the month). Later my housemate (a 50 something old fashioned hippy lady) was asking me about my symptoms and came out with the question, “Could you be pregnant?” Gulp. Someone else thought it too. She then rambled on about hippy friendly, non chemical, non intrusive methods of contraception. I convinced her that I was not “up the duff” and added a pregnancy test to my mental shopping list.

She then went on to describe in great detail a form of contraception she has used... twice. I honestly don’t think she has been with a man many more times than that. It was the Cap. This is a product that you have to insert into the vagina after smearing spermicidal gel all over it and yourself. You can just imagine it now...

You have had a wonderful evening with that special someone and a passionate onslaught of French kissing ensues. He swiftly unclips your bra and runs his hand up under your blouse gently stroking the small of your back. He slowly slides his hand up higher and brings it around to caress your breast. His hand brushes against your erect nipple and sparks fly throughout your body and every hair stands on end. You raise one leg and wrap it around his waist and feel the large package throbbing through his jeans. He moves a hand under your thigh and progresses nearer to your tingling groin. His hand slides in and his fingers begin twitching sending your whole body into spasm.

You begin unbuttoning his jeans and grasp his throbbing member. As you begin to massage his balls, he lifts you up. You wrap both your legs around and can feel the tip throbbing on your moist lips; you thrust your hips forwards. He throws you down onto the bed and climbs on top of you. He begins kissing your chest and slowly moves his mouth further down your body. He returns his mouth to your face and begins to enter you when it suddenly dawns on you.

“STOP! I need the cap! Pass me the spermicidal gel, honey, give me two minutes and I’ll be with you”

PASSION KILLER!!! So, for now I shall continue to pump my body full of chemicals (the pill) or, on second thoughts, it could well be his turn to take responsibility... Mans worst enemy, the Johnny!

For those who were wondering, two days later, I still have a poorly tum which prompted me to get a test. Negative. The pill still stands strong!

Until next time, have good fun, passionate and most importantly safe sex people! Don’t want any accidents now, do we?