I have found myself to be getting obsessed (and slightly paranoid) by the idea of “accidently” becoming pregnant. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I would never, ever dream of missing a pill on purpose or tricking my boyfriend into thinking I was on the pill when I wasn’t. I am an honest and upfront girl, if I decide that I want to have a baby, I would tell him straight. But that ain’t happening for a few years yet! I just love the idea of being pregnant.
On bank holiday Monday night I awoke in the small hours with the urge to be sick, I could feel it in my chest and believe me, it did not feel great. But a little part of me wondered “what if I am?”
The following day I was still feeling pretty grotty and called the office to make them aware that I wouldn’t be in (on the busiest day of the month). Later my housemate (a 50 something old fashioned hippy lady) was asking me about my symptoms and came out with the question, “Could you be pregnant?” Gulp. Someone else thought it too. She then rambled on about hippy friendly, non chemical, non intrusive methods of contraception. I convinced her that I was not “up the duff” and added a pregnancy test to my mental shopping list.
She then went on to describe in great detail a form of contraception she has used... twice. I honestly don’t think she has been with a man many more times than that. It was the Cap. This is a product that you have to insert into the vagina after smearing spermicidal gel all over it and yourself. You can just imagine it now...
You have had a wonderful evening with that special someone and a passionate onslaught of French kissing ensues. He swiftly unclips your bra and runs his hand up under your blouse gently stroking the small of your back. He slowly slides his hand up higher and brings it around to caress your breast. His hand brushes against your erect nipple and sparks fly throughout your body and every hair stands on end. You raise one leg and wrap it around his waist and feel the large package throbbing through his jeans. He moves a hand under your thigh and progresses nearer to your tingling groin. His hand slides in and his fingers begin twitching sending your whole body into spasm.
You begin unbuttoning his jeans and grasp his throbbing member. As you begin to massage his balls, he lifts you up. You wrap both your legs around and can feel the tip throbbing on your moist lips; you thrust your hips forwards. He throws you down onto the bed and climbs on top of you. He begins kissing your chest and slowly moves his mouth further down your body. He returns his mouth to your face and begins to enter you when it suddenly dawns on you.
“STOP! I need the cap! Pass me the spermicidal gel, honey, give me two minutes and I’ll be with you”
PASSION KILLER!!! So, for now I shall continue to pump my body full of chemicals (the pill) or, on second thoughts, it could well be his turn to take responsibility... Mans worst enemy, the Johnny!
For those who were wondering, two days later, I still have a poorly tum which prompted me to get a test. Negative. The pill still stands strong!
Until next time, have good fun, passionate and most importantly safe sex people! Don’t want any accidents now, do we?
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