Decisions...

Things have taken rather a dramatic turn...
Drew (an ex) sent me a message on my birthday and sparked a few memories (nice ones). When he left me, 2 years ago, there was no explanation and he vanished off the face of the earth! I was so close to saying those 3 words to him before he left and had to force myself not to say it.
Several messages went back and forwards aand continue to do so now. Unfortunately... I love Tony, we are planning on moving in with eachother in April time, however I have now sparked all these feelings I had kept buried all this time for Drew.
The other night I decided to see Drew and tell him straight... I love Tony and nothing was going to change that and pretty much draw the line there and then. The evening started badly... I sent a text to what I thought was Drew saying "Looks like he is working, are you ready?" Just as I hit send I realised it was going to Tony. Bugger. I managed to talk my way out of it but felt terrible for lying to him. When I arrived at Drew's house, all I could say was "I am such a horrible nasty person!" I just sat there feling guilty for the rest of the night and for some reason, I have agreed to go to the local beach with him tonight. I honestly don't know what I want now, things with Tony are getting tense and I am just wondering if that is because of me.
Only time will tell and noone knows what the future will hold. One thing I do know, I will not cheat.

Honey, I'm home!

So then, due to being up all hours with my tummy bug I have cracked the writers block and have returned to the wonderful world of Blogdom!

There is a great deal to catch up on which I shall be doing gradually. For instance, Tony had a mental breakdown in January, quit his job, started a record label which ended before it even began, left me in February (for a week) and since then has been back to normal and better than ever!

We have been traveling here, there and everywhere! Well, Switzerland on a road trip for a weekend, Barcelona, Milan (beautiful!) and Chester to name but a few. Our adventures have cost us a fair few pennies and have left us being VERY careful now! The next trip will be to Copenhagen, but when is a whole other matter.

Oh and I have moved house... again. On the housing front, I usually get itchy feet after a year in a house and want to move again. Tony and I discussed our current living situation the other night. We both live in shared houses, separately. I hate sharing a house with strangers and he is rapidly going the same way. I now refuse to stay at his due to it being so filthy and grotesque. We have decided that in April next year, we shall start looking for a flat together! Hoorah!

I went to the Doctors today to find out what is going on with my stomach as I now know that it is not a pregnancy. I told him the symptoms and he poked my belly... "Oo", its never good when a Doctor says "oo"! He then went on to say that I had gotten there just in time, again, not a great thing to say! He has told me that I have acid reflux (the stomach acid keeps going up the food pipe) and has been eating away at the pipes. He has given me some capsules the size of a house and then took several blood tests. I shall find out next week if I have any of the following ailments (and more!): liver damage/tumor, coeliac, wheat and lactose intolerance, diabetes and many more. I then went to Tescos and got a few simple items and realized that if I am coeliac or even lactose intolerant, I would not be able to have anything that was in my basket. Fun times ahead...

Accidents... No thank you!

I have found myself to be getting obsessed (and slightly paranoid) by the idea of “accidently” becoming pregnant. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I would never, ever dream of missing a pill on purpose or tricking my boyfriend into thinking I was on the pill when I wasn’t. I am an honest and upfront girl, if I decide that I want to have a baby, I would tell him straight. But that ain’t happening for a few years yet! I just love the idea of being pregnant.

On bank holiday Monday night I awoke in the small hours with the urge to be sick, I could feel it in my chest and believe me, it did not feel great. But a little part of me wondered “what if I am?”

The following day I was still feeling pretty grotty and called the office to make them aware that I wouldn’t be in (on the busiest day of the month). Later my housemate (a 50 something old fashioned hippy lady) was asking me about my symptoms and came out with the question, “Could you be pregnant?” Gulp. Someone else thought it too. She then rambled on about hippy friendly, non chemical, non intrusive methods of contraception. I convinced her that I was not “up the duff” and added a pregnancy test to my mental shopping list.

She then went on to describe in great detail a form of contraception she has used... twice. I honestly don’t think she has been with a man many more times than that. It was the Cap. This is a product that you have to insert into the vagina after smearing spermicidal gel all over it and yourself. You can just imagine it now...

You have had a wonderful evening with that special someone and a passionate onslaught of French kissing ensues. He swiftly unclips your bra and runs his hand up under your blouse gently stroking the small of your back. He slowly slides his hand up higher and brings it around to caress your breast. His hand brushes against your erect nipple and sparks fly throughout your body and every hair stands on end. You raise one leg and wrap it around his waist and feel the large package throbbing through his jeans. He moves a hand under your thigh and progresses nearer to your tingling groin. His hand slides in and his fingers begin twitching sending your whole body into spasm.

You begin unbuttoning his jeans and grasp his throbbing member. As you begin to massage his balls, he lifts you up. You wrap both your legs around and can feel the tip throbbing on your moist lips; you thrust your hips forwards. He throws you down onto the bed and climbs on top of you. He begins kissing your chest and slowly moves his mouth further down your body. He returns his mouth to your face and begins to enter you when it suddenly dawns on you.

“STOP! I need the cap! Pass me the spermicidal gel, honey, give me two minutes and I’ll be with you”

PASSION KILLER!!! So, for now I shall continue to pump my body full of chemicals (the pill) or, on second thoughts, it could well be his turn to take responsibility... Mans worst enemy, the Johnny!

For those who were wondering, two days later, I still have a poorly tum which prompted me to get a test. Negative. The pill still stands strong!

Until next time, have good fun, passionate and most importantly safe sex people! Don’t want any accidents now, do we?

Birthday treats...

There had been a big build up to this day, my birthday. Everybody who knew Tony seemed to know what he had gotten me and it sounded as if it was going to be a big deal, so when the day came I tried (and failed) to contain my excitement!

First he woke me up with quite possibly the best sex ever; There’s something about morning sex, gets me excited just thinking of that feeling of him just starting to slip in… Hmmm. Any way, after the morning horizontal tango he presented the first gift of the day, a Coldplay CD. He is very musically minded and wants to “teach” me the ways and all that jazz.

Throughout the day he gave me more gifts which happened to make up the entire back catalogue for Coldplay. Nice touch I though. We went to the beach and walked along the shore hand in hand as if nothing else in the world mattered, it was just us on our own strolling along in our own little world.

Once back home he got out an envelope. It was a standard white self sealed envelope, like you would receive in the mail containing a letter from an office somewhere. I sat trying to rack my brains of the past few days, what could be in that little envelope? I felt it very carefully… there was no ring inside (lucky seeing as the divorce isn’t over yet), the paper inside felt sturdy, not quite card, but a high quality thick paper.

I couldn’t hold back any longer and ripped along the seal. I caught a glimpse of a metallic purple flash and felt even more compelled to rip open the envelope like an over excited child at Christmas. It was my birthday, I’m allowed right? So I figured it was ok and started shredding the envelope with Tony looking on with an excited glint in his eye. I pulled out the small piece of thick paper and saw “Voucher” straight away with an image of the Angel of the North. I felt confused, I didn’t realise you had to pay to go to see that! - You don’t by the way.

He told me to read the voucher very carefully and as I read I had glimmers of my own life throughout the suggestions on the back of the voucher. “A trip to Nine Springs, Ham Hill, football stadiums, National parks, Safari parks, art galleries” and the list continued, all picked out carefully to match my life and things we had done together and enjoyed. He then explained that he wrote everything himself and gave it to a friend who is a graphic designer and she was able to create this simple, unique gift. I have never received such a thoughtful present, and yes, I have to admit, it brought a tear to my eye and I collapsed into his arms crying with happiness. What have I done to deserve such a fabulous guy?

Am still alive!

Thought I ought to say I am still alive, just a little too busy to post anything lately! I shall give a very quick and brief run down...
Work - Hectic as always
Man - Fantastic! Already seem very "couply"
Work - still hectic
Money - Brassic!
Work - hectic (you get the drift... I have been working ALOT)
Degree - On hold! My assignment is now coming up to being a month late. Bollocks.
Writing - Have written an article for Scarlett (women's version of Nuts/FHM but better!) which is strongly based around the threesome with Lou and Jen. Will possibly be published within the next couple of months! Woohoo!
Awards results - Got into the top 10 for a category in "The Best of Blogs" awards. But didn't win.
Been going out pretty much every weekend, so am currently contstantly knackered!
Hair - Gone blonde! (ish) Should be champagne blonde, but just looks more in between ginger and blonde (I am naturally a brunette) in the sun it is blonde. I figured it was about time my hair matched my personality/ditzyness. Tony was worried that I would start to act blonde... Hmmm, he obviously doesn't know me that well yet!
More to come when I get a chance to type it up!

Stuck in a rut...

DOM phoned me today to say that none of the administrators were being offered an interview for the promotion. I apparently don’t have any management experience, despite having been an assistant manager and regional administrator! The only way to gain “field management” experience would be to go into our audit department, otherwise known as the most tedious and monotonous job in the world!
This means that if I want to gain a promotion I either need to move to Plymouth (an hour and a half away) and become Operations Manager or go into audit. Neither of which appeal in the slightest. In the Plymouth store, everyone has their own “clicky” groups, and not only that the other two administrators hate me. One of them was demoted after I had done a disastrous store visit last year and even now she is quite possible the laziest administrator I have ever met. The other doesn’t hate me, yet… but I am sure if I was to get the position above her it wouldn’t take too long for her to start! I also don’t particularly want to have to move down there as I have literally just gotten my feet back on the ground and love my house and housemate! Not only that, but it is so cheap, it’s perfect!
I also wouldn’t want to take the audit job as it would be such a lonely position, everyone is terrified of auditors and steers well clear of them when they turn up in store. I prefer being able to make friends within stores and to be able to make decent conversation and have a laugh with them. I’m not so sure that I would be able to check the exact same things day in day out.
Oh well, the right thing will come along eventually. There is also my degree to fall back on (once I have completed it that is!)

Another hectic day followed by a rather unexpected date!

What a busy day! I have been non-stop all day and am shattered. For some stupid reason I woke up at 7 this morning, this is despite being woken up by mysterious voices on the landing a half two this morning. I didn’t recognize any of the voices but there were at least four people.
So at seven I was laid in bed and could hear the mystery people on the landing again. There were 2 guys and 2 girls from what I could make out, but I still hadn’t heard my housemate so I presumed she was in bed (and she was). I got up an hour later and got into the shower so that I would be reasonable to meet the mystery guests, however just as I was getting out of the shower I bumped into my housemates best friend on the landing who explained who had been staying over. She then dashed out of the door as these people were waiting for her in the car.
I ventured downstairs and soon wished I had stayed in bed… the kitchen was a mess! I found my last banana still partially in it’s skin, mashed into the leather sofa (thank God it’s wipe clean!) and there were numerous mugs and glasses scattered throughout the ground floor. I decided, as I was so awake and surprisingly refreshed, to tackle the kitchen as I figured my house mate would most likely be suffering this morning.
Once that was done, I went out into town and popped into work to send out an email. My manager took me into the back yard to show me what they had done in the morning brief. Dan is well known for being on the chubby side and he enjoys his food, a lot. So this morning, using the giant boxes from a delivery they created Dave’s lunch box and his English breakfast. It was all expertly drawn out including the oversized cutlery! I couldn’t stop laughing and realised that my car park ticket would run out soon and I still had lots to do.
I managed to get my tent for the festival I am going to later in the year (I had also arranged to go camping on the next bank holiday so had to get it sooner rather than later!). I got myself a 3 man tent with a porch, nice and spacious! I then went off to the “cheap” opticians round the corner armed with my prescription and NHS voucher to try to find some sunglasses. Nearly an hour later, I finally settled on a pair and quickly put the payment of £105 down before I changed my mind again and hurried out of the door almost able to hear my bank balance screaming at me.
I then ventured to the local Asda. I usually go to Morrisons, but decided as I am trying to save as much money as possible I ought to go to the “cheaper” supermarket. It did not work out cheaper. I ended up spending an extra £20 on my weekly food shop! I still haven’t worked out how yet!
When I got back home, I went out to help my housemate weed the garden. We have a 10 foot square mud patch which we were going to have seeded ready for the summer so that we can have a bit of grass to brighten the garden up. We were out there for nearly four hours and by the end of it my back started to itch. I knew what that meant, I had burnt my back. It was brighter than a tomato! But was in a perfect square from my vest top, it wasn’t the other side of the straps, just this perfect square of red!
Whilst I was eating my lunch, Mo noticed that she had a voicemail on her phone from her clinically depressed friend. She instantly worried as he never calls her and not only that, but he had a relapse recently. She phoned him back immediately and started asking him if he was ok and then I could hear her saying “I think so, yeah I will tell her, I reckon she would be ok with it.” I just presumed they were talking about one of their friends, but no, it turned out it was me!
He had seen me in some of Mo’s photos online and thought I looked nice and was enquiring as to whether I was single and what I was like as a person. It made my day, I actually had a single man that was interested in me! Mo gave me his number and I text him saying “Hi, how you doing? Mo said that you saw my photo on Face Book and were interested. Kel x”
He soon replied saying that he was ok and did I want to go out for a drink on Monday, I figured Monday would be bad as there is practically no one that would be out and could possible be really awkward on a blind date, so I suggested tonight. He was also free so we arranged it, we would have a blind date tonight at 8pm, he would come to mine and we would walk into town and go to a bar I know.
I jumped into the shower and started to wonder what to wear, my housemate was out, so I was completely alone on the fashion front! I attempted to curl my hair so I could be different for once, but as usual my hair was being stubborn, so it ended up being wavy.
He arrived on time and phoned me on the house phone to double check which house it was as they all look the same along my road! We walked into town and went into the bar I knew would be quiet and easy to talk in. It is also possibly the only bar in town which has some class and sophistication!
When I walked through the door and approached the bar my stomach flipped, two of Mo’s friends were sat at the bar and Craig pipes up “Hiya, so is this your other half?” “Not yet” I muttered and then went off into a quiet corner with Tony. I noticed them looking over every so often and then Mo’s boyfriend came and sat with them, so I had all 3 guys staring over constantly. How off putting!
We were getting on really well and seem to have plenty in common, we both listen to the same sort of music and are both training for the same qualification in accounting! He has even offered to help me out with the part of my course I am stuck on. Always handy to know people! Later on, when I got fed up with the staring from the guys, I suggested that we move onto a different bar, so off we went, however the only other place I knew would be “quiet” had their music pumped right up to the max! It made it rather difficult but we managed. Conversation soon turned to sport and he was amazed that I will happily sit and watch the football. After a while we headed back to my house and on the walk home he told me that he is not the sort of person who enjoys going out clubbing, which meant we had another thing in common!
I didn’t want to have to tell him about my operations as whenever I have told people that I am still recovering in the past, they suddenly treat me so differently and try to do everything for me, which at times can be nice, but not all the time! Unfortunately he was speed walking, so I had to tell him I had to take it steady with walking. It was my first time walking into town without crutches too. I told him the whole story about my legs and he looked pretty shocked and yes, at first he tried to treat me differently and every 5 minutes on the walk home he would slow down and apologise!
When we got home we bumped into my housemate and her best friend who both know Tony, so they were trying to find out from us how it went and were having a general catch up with him in the street. Once they had gone, I invited him in for a drink in the hope that he would make some kind of move on me, but no, he went and sat on the sofa opposite me. I realised that he was a little shy around new women. I paused on the doorstep when he left, almost urging him to lean forward and give me a goodnight kiss, but again his shyness got the better of him and he rushed across the road to his car. He did however, say that he had a good night and would like to meet up again.
There is hope yet!